Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
