i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
