just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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