Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
