Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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