I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
