WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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