I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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