If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
