hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
