Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
