Pregnant stripper...not hot.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Alive.
So much puke
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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