brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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