went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
