What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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