You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize