closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
