I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
