you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
