I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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