Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
