Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So vagazzling was a success
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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