i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
