Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
