All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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