put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
