I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
