How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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