hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
