Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
