i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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