Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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