just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
