I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize