Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can feel your judgement through the phone
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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