I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
