they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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