Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize