I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
