I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
