This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize