She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
