he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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