honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
