I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
