you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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