So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
