I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
