wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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