it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
