i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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