i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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