I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
