420 ftw
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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