woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize