I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize