I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
