Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
